Just Life

Weekend update

It's hard to believe we've been back from Boston for five days and I don't seem to have accomplished much noteworthy. Oh, hell, who am I kidding? That's not hard to believe at all. I've actually been in a bit of a funky mood this past week and it took me a while -- and the aid of several vivid dreams -- to realize that the whole situation with Michael Devlin in St. Louis has affected me more than I realized. I'm not entirely sure why and, without aid of a good therapist, may never quite understand. It's not like I was friends with the guy. We worked together for a couple of years and then, when Imo's Kirkwood became the social center of my drinking life, he was a constant but peripheral character.

Still, I think it's just that having knowing someone at all who kidnapped two boys -- and is under investigation for another boy's disappearance in 1991 -- brings the TV world of horrendous crime far closer than I'd like. It seems silly to say that it makes me feel vulnerable and a little more fearful in general, but it does.

It's been strange, too, to see my old boss -- Imo's Kirkwood owner Mike Prosperi -- in interviews ranging from Larry King to the New York Times. Prosperi was the best boss I ever had, a truly good guy, committed to his community. It kills me to hear that people -- armed with misinformation from initial media reports -- have targeted the restaurant with everything from phone threats to attempts to throw rocks through the windows.

They seem to blame Prosperi for not knowing what Devlin was capable of and I suppose I understand that they need someone to blame. However, although the media initially reported that Devlin was a registered sex offender in Utah, that was not true. They had him confused with another Michael Devlin. And, as Prosperi has pointed out, Devlin has been working for him since he was 16 years old. Even if he had run a background check on applicants, there was nothing on Devlin's record.

In fact, Prosperi -- who has employed Devlin for 25 years -- was the first to tip Kirkwood police off to his suspicions that Devlin might be worth looking into. Knowing Prosperi, I'm sure it was painful and confusing for him to do that. The Kirkwood police were the ones who determined Devlin was a longshot since he didn't have a criminal record. Then it was coincidence that led them to a parking lot where they spotted Devlin's truck.

I guess what I'm saying is that Prosperi did the right thing, even though I'm sure he couldn't believe his own suspicions about an employee he has trusted for a quarter of a century. And now I hear from friends back in the neighborhood that people are staying away from Imo's Kirkwood, "punishing" the place by withdrawing business. I'm sorry for that. In the simplest terms I can offer up, that's just not fair.

Imo's Kirkwood has been a neighborhood and community favorite for decades. Prosperi has bent over backwards to make it a family favorite, an ongoing tradition. I hate that his business is suffering because of Devlin, who apparently hid his secrets so well even his family had no idea he'd had Shawn Hornbeck living with him for four years.

Unfortunately, there's not much I can do about it from here. But if you're in the St. Louis area and you're reading this, next time you're hankering for a St. Louis style pizza, get it from Imo's Kirkwood. There have already been enough victims of Devlin's sickness. The community should be rallying around this business, not shunning it. Grab a square, would ya?

Too close for comfort

For some odd reason, earlier this week, I was thinking about a guy I used to work with during my brief collegiate and post-collegiate stints at a St. Louis pizza restaurant. He was a manager, nicknamed Devo, who was, quite frankly, a pain in the ass to work with. He was a loud mouth, a braggart, always claiming to know more than he did. What popped into mind recently was a discussion we had, which went on over several shifts, about the word "tip." Devo kept insisting that it stood for "to insure promptness." I told him he was full of shit. Thus was the level of our discourse. Just a short while ago, I learned that the man arrested today for kidnapping the two boys mentioned in the previous post is Michael Devlin. Or, as we used to call him, Devo.

I can't describe to you the feeling of seeing his face on CNN.com, recognizing him easily, a thousand stupid exchanges and dumb tales coming rushing back...and trying to reconcile it with the type of monster who takes other people's children and holds them for years. And we don't yet know what poor Shawn Hornbeck was subjected to in that time, in a small apartment in quiet Kirkwood, Missouri.

I'm not sure I knew before tonight how pervasive the sensation of one's skin crawling could actually be.  

Good news in St. Louis

In 2002, an 11-year-old boy named Shawn Hornbeck went missing just outside St. Louis. I remember hearing the name on the TV news reports, reading it in the newspaper. Today, Hornbeck and a 13-year-old boy who disappeared Monday, were found alive in an apartment in Kirkwood: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16600139/. While I can't imagine what Hornbeck has been through the past four years, it's rare to find a news story that moves me as much as this one. I suppose we're just not conditioned to expect good outcomes when kids go missing. Pretty amazing stuff.

Wait...you don't look a thing like Robert Redford!

Monday was a rather remarkable day this week, proving once again that the gifts of the Knight-Wallace Fellowship just keep on comin'. (It helps to refuse to leave Ann Arbor.) It was the program's annual public policy seminar and this year the topic was government secrecy with information. Quite a star-studded event, the panel of journalists included the New York Times' managing editor Jill Abramson, NPR's security correspondent Jackie Northam, FOX's Greta Van Susteren and investigative reporting legend Bob Woodward. In his all-too-brief keynote speech, Woodward addressed what he called "the elephant in the room" -- the Iraq war and, more specifically, the business of covering it under the most secretive administration to date. His approach to the topic was interesting as he outlined five points that he said provided us with the context in which the Iraq war is being conducted and reported.

First, he said, the impulse to go to war in Iraq "comes from a lot of idealism on the part of President Bush." He quoted Bush as saying, early on, that Bush believes "we have a duty to free people, to liberate people." Woodward noted that this zeal for liberating people is a crucial element in understanding what's happening.

Next, Woodward said, "In the Bush administration, reality avoidance is a habit." This level of secrecy is not only difficult for the government but "perilous for reporters." We have so much going on in secret, stacks of classified documents that are contradictory to what the administration says publicly.

His third, perhaps most simple, assertion was this: "There is no strategy for war in Iraq." A statement so bold, so certain that Woodward didn't embellish. Fourth, he noted that there is a tremendous amount of disagreement within the powers that be about how to proceed in Iraq. He quoted a secret memo penned by Donald Rumsfeld, in which the then-secretary of defense wrote that the current administration was so messed up in its strategy regarding Iraq that "competence is next to impossible."

Lastly, Woodward pointed out our lack of patience, the pressure from all sides of the political spectrum to produce a solution that will quickly and tidily solve a problem that's going to take years to reconcile.

"Of all the things we have to worry about," Woodward said, "the thing we ought to worry about is secrecy....Democracies die in darkness."

Powerful words indeed, coming from a journalism legend, a force to be reckoned with in the business of both uncovering (and, frankly, keeping) secrets that changed the world. Perhaps most impressive of all, however, was that he comes across as an extremely affable guy, with a good sense of humor.

I was also impressed with Greta Van Susteren. I admit, it may be easy to be both wowed by her high-profile status and cowed by her employment at FOX, but she said a lot of good and sensible things in support of journalists' access to information. She said early in the event that journalists should always be disatisfied with their level of access to government information and fight constantly for a greater level of disclosure. Right on, Greta.

Van Susteren also pointed out that it was only logical that government officials provide greater access to individual reporters and news outlets they feel will preserve their image: "Administrations always want to talk to someone who they think will put them in the best light and not someone who will challenge them....They are not out there to make themselves look bad." That said, she stressed that it is journalists' jobs "to dig deeper" and go beyond the spin they're handed.

 

Notably, Van Susteren was the only panelists to make a plea to the general public to help assist reporters in their efforts to get more information. "If you want more information, if you believe that more information is the bedrock of democracy -- and I do -- then you need to figure out a way to get more protection for journalists."

She noted that fear is an extremely powerful deterrent, that journalists want to live safely as much as anyone else and that reporters want to be able to do their jobs without risking spending 18 months in jail for digging up the truth. Suggesting that the general public press elected officials for legal changes that would protect reporters, she added: "You get us more protection and I think there will be more hard-charging journalists out there...."

My status as editor of the KWF newsletter landed us an invitation to Wallace House for dinner with the crew where the thrill of my evening was getting to meet Woodward and escorting him over to the bar. Sigh. It wasn't much, but there you have it -- I can tell people I once had dinner with Bob Woodward and it wouldn't be a factually incorrect statement. Not a bad way to spend a Monday night.

 

God reads my blog

At least that's what I assume, because I woke up this morning to snow on the ground. Not much, just a thin enough layer to render everything briefly pretty and just enough for me to gleefully pull on my new snow boots.

Another St. Louisan Escapes, or My Failing New Year's Resolution

One of my new year's resolutions was to read less tabloid trash. (I'm smart enough not to tell anyone when I make my resolutions, but clearly dumb enough to come clean when I break them.) I know, I know. It's hard to believe that such a highbrow literary sort as myself would spend hours poring over ridiculous celebrity gossip on countless blogs...but it's true. We all have our betes noirs (betes noir?) (bete noirs?). That's how I know that the smart but searingly snarky Gawker web site has been pointing its ridiculing finger at a new New York scenester named Derek Blasberg. Their items caught my eye because they mentioned that the 24-year-old is a writer from St. Louis, a grad of Affton High. And let's face it, most people I know never leave St. Louis, let alone pop up on Page Six with some frequency. No real idea what Blasberg's written, but the way Gawker's covering it, it's as if a St. Louisan gaining entree into New York's hip society life is like a turnip getting elected president.

I could totally be all over the New York party scene. You know, were I in New York...and a partier. And, like, popular and stuff.

On a far more interesting note about St. Louis writers may I alert/remind/inform you that 52nd City will be celebrating the publication of its newest issue this upcoming weekend -- and its one year anniversary. Massive congratulations due to Andrea Avery, Thomas Crone and Stefene Russell whose dedication, inspiration and perspiration (figuratively speaking, one hopes) are the reason St. Louis has such a fine lit mag as this. Details below.

Please join 52nd City Magazine as we celebrate our one year anniversary and the release of our latest print issue—STUFF.

STUFF ISSUE RELEASE PARTY AT SNOWFLAKE Saturday, January 13, 2007 2:00-5:00 PM 3156 Cherokee, St. Louis, MO 63118

MYSTERY SACKS OF STUFF Free mystery stacks of stuff to all who attend—while they last

SHOW & TELL STUFF Bring your favorite stuff or interesting collection and share a story...sort of an open mic night show-and-tell for your marbles, matchbooks, and memorabilia

I'm so completely unhip that I have absolutely no idea where or what a Snowflake is. But you should find out. And go.

 

A few random thoughts

1.  I thought it was pretty funny when Chris pointed out that I had written in my last post that Hilary Duff was in The Black Dahlia, rather than Hillary Swank. It might actually have been a casting improvement, so I let it stand. 2. The fact that I got some sweet new Merrell Polartech fancy-ass weatherproof snow boots for Christmas and there has been not a drop of snow seems terribly unfair. Yes, I love irony as much as the next person, but usually only when I'm in control of it or, at the very least, not the victim of it. It's like giving a yo-yo to a child with no hands. Or something.

3. On a positive footwear note, I'm old enough now to believe in sensible footwear and I just replaced my aging workout shoes with a pair of Brooks. Miraculously, it's made a huge difference with my knee pain. I update you on this because I know you've been wondering, "How are Julia's knees?" Now you know.

4. I just took my first Nia class this afternoon at the beautiful Ann Arbor YMCA which may be the nicest YMCA of all time ever. What is Nia, you may ask? I still have no idea. I just know that I'm ADD when it comes to exercise and need as many options as possible, so when my friend Margaret claimed to enjoy a Nia class, I signed up for a one-time intro. Turns out it's a blend of yoga, Aikido, Tai Chi, jazz dance and about 800 other things. It's fun, in as much as anything not involving sitting on one's ass can be classified as such, but MAN it's a tougher workout than I thought. Despite which, I may sign up for a class. It's important for me to have a variety of classes and activities to skip.

5. Here is some Ann Arbor math. Chris and I were at a post-workout visit to Zingerman's, just to make sure that we didn't actually net any total caloric deficit. We were about to order up a couple of particular baked goods when we realized that if we killed 20 minutes, they'd go on sale at 1/2 price after 5 pm. So we ordered up a couple of lattes while we waited. Thus, we spent $7 on coffees so that we could save $5 on buns. That's precisely the kind of economics this town depends on!

6. A quick update on the knitting goods for the little girls in Tibet. It is neither quick nor cheap to get goods to Tibet but the boxes of goodies donated by generous knitters (from St. Louis and Ann Arbor) have both arrived in China and are in my friend Stephanie's possession. She'll be traveling to Tibet to deliver them in short order. Thank you, thank you, all you generous souls for providing a little warmth and the delight of hand-knit goods to these little girls! Yay, knitters!

 

A very movie new year

So our new year's weekend was all about the movies. Chris and I both unplugged completely and drowned ourselves in film (as well as some back episodes of Criminal Minds, with which we have both become obsessed). Our handful of rentals included the affable Mrs. Harris, an HBO film about Jean Harris, who was convicted of shooting Scarsdale Diet author Doctor Herman Tarnower. While not a great film, it's campy fun, with Annette Benning working the title role for all it's worth. It makes her performance in American Beauty look subdued. And Ben Kingsley turning in a first-rate bastard performance. Then we watched The Last Kiss, in which I was again baffled at the notion that doofy Zach Braff could land not one but two babes. Turns out it's based on an Italian flick from 2001, L'Ultimo Bacio. (Bit o' trivia: the guy who directed L'Ultimo Bacio also directed Will Smith's new movie, The Pursuit of Happyness.) It's not a terrible movie, but an okay movie, which brings me to lament the loss of the "okay" rating on the Netflix movie rating scale. I think two stars used to mean "it was okay." I liked having that option. There are a ton of movies that I don't exactly dislike but didn't exactly like either. I mourn the rating system for someone as ambivolent as me. Anyhoo, what was really surprising abou this flick, which is a young-adults-facing-responsibility tale is that the screenplay was written by Paul Haggis, the man who penned Million Dollar Baby and Crash. Talk about a departure.

We also watched The Black Dahlia, "directed" by Brian de Palma and starring Josh "Mole Boy" Hartnett, Scarlett "Lips" Johansson, Aaron "Why am I even in this movie?" Eckhart and Hilary "I may actually be a man" Duff. I put the word directed in quotation marks because my best guess is that de Palma was trapped under something heavy during production, therefore rendered unable to actually direct anyone. The result is an artistic free-for-all, with some actors playing straight, some playing Noir to the point of parody and others just pouting their way through a confusing and largely uninteresting plot. Damn, that was a waste of time. (It was also a waste of Eckhart, who was fantabulous in this year's Thank You for Smoking, in case you were wondering.)

The last rental flick we watched was The Notorious Bettie Page. If you want to see Gretchen Moll naked, here's your chance. Again, it's a perfectly okay film but when you get right down to it, there's just not much story in the story of America's favorite pin-up-girl-turned-bondage-model. I keep wondering if a better-written script could have made it a more enticing tale, but I'm just not sure there's enough substance there. Once again, where's my "okay" button?

Saving the best for last, we finally saw Babel this weekend too. From the same writer who did Amores Perros and 21 Grams (both of which I appreciated). It's a really sophisticated intertwining of three tales, all of which are related to the random shooting of an American tourist by a young Moroccan boy. Really fabulous cast, including Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Gabriel Garcia Bernal (LOVE him!) and a really terrific actress called Adriana Berraza, who may turn in the most riveting performance in a flick filled with them. It's a really jarring and fascinating tale about communication, grief and isolation.

I noticed in the headlines this morning that the Golden Globes nominations came out today, which means the Oscars can't be that far behind. After seeing so many mediocre movies this weekend, I'm eager to have my faith restored by catching some of the ones that are buzzworthy right now. I'd really like to see The Good Shepherd, Notes on a Scandal, Half Nelson, The Departed and, maybe Blood Diamond. Although I think I can only handle one DiCaprio flick per year.

So, you know...there you go.

Happy, Happy New Year!

The fire's already roaring in the fireplace (even though it's a good 40 degrees outside), my cats and I are curled up on the couch. We have a stack of movies for watching and a pot of ropa vieja (my very first attempt at cooking one of my favorite cuban foods) on the stove, bubbling away. Were it not for the crick in my neck that's preventing me from turning my head to the right, it'd be a banner New Year's Eve. Who am I fooling? It's a banner one, anyway. I've got a roof over my head, all my needs are met (if not all my many, many wants) and I get to wake up each day in circumstances drastically better than 99% of the population of this over-crowded planet. If that's not enough to make me grateful going into 2007, then what is?

Plenty, actually, starting with a reflection on the year that's getting ready to take a bow. Chris and I kicked off 2006 -- on Greenwich Mean Time, at least -- outdoors at the intersection of the neighborhood I grew up in in Glasgow, Scotland. We had the streets to ourselves, it seemed, and the minute the bells rang at midnight, the city came alive in all directions. We heard the whooping and hollering of the Hogmanay ceilidh at the nearby church. We had a bird's eye view into the living rooms of the city's gorgeous sandstone tenements. We watched as a few family's pulled open a window to let the old year out and the new one in. We watched a group of children hold hands and dance in a circle, like something out of an old movie. The sky above us lit up in all directions with fireworks and people took to the streets to start first-footing neighbors. I surfed a wave of nostalgia so overwhelming tears streamed down my cheeks. It may be my favorite New Year's memory of all time.

It was an entirely appropriate start to a year that was filled with travel for us, more than probably all our years together cominbed. In February, we went to Istanbul with the Knight-Wallace Fellows and I got to set foot on the Asian side, adding a whole new continent to my repertoire. On our way back home, we spent some time in Amsterdam and then visited my friend Deborah in Milan, Italy. We returned to Glasgow in November, which is the first time I've been back to Scotland twice in one year.

We traveled plenty within the states and its environs. There was a quick weekend in Toronto with pals from the Fellowship. A group of us also went to New York together and while visiting the New York Times and enjoying a lunch hosted by managing editor Jill Abrahmson should probably be the highlight, I confess that I got a bigger thrill attending a taping of The Daily Show and getting a backstage tour beforehand. We managed a second trip back to New York in early summer to attend the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of my friend Matt Tauber's film, The Architect. That was a real treat.

And in the midst of all that craziness, we still managed to steal away for a brief but fantastic respite in one of our favorite places in the world, the rainforest in Puerto Rico.

As if all that movement weren't enough, it's also been a year of big change and transformation for us. When we began the year, I think Chris and I knew that we were itching for something different, that if we didn't make some sort of life changes after the soul-enhancing period of the Fellowship, we'd be wasting some sort of gift. Yet neither of us dreamed that changes would come hard and fast and that if we showed up and were simply willing to turn in the direction the universe pointed us in and put one foot in front of the other, we'd land where we were supposed to.

We never thought that Chris' inkling of an idea and on-a-whim email to Mark Cuban would result in his launching Sharesleuth.com just a few months later. Nor did we really expect that when we asked ourselves where we'd want to do it, the answer would be Ann Arbor. It just was. I've never been able to explain that decision any better to anyone, except to say it felt right. And it continues to.

For me, in terms of my writing, it's been a year of inestimable growth and transformation. I took the Fellowship year off from freelancing, where I'd been resting in my comfort zone. Some friendly cajoling from Graham and Gerard got me to try Terry Lawson's Screenwriting Class at the University of Michigan in the second semester of the Fellowship. It was simultaneously the most frustrating and thrlling experience I've had as a writer in years. I had to step far, far outside that comfort zone of stream-of-conscience nonfiction and start thinking about plot, dialogue, characterization and structure for the first time in over a decade. When I started the class, it seemed a ridiculous notion that I would produce a feature-length first-draft screenplay by the end of the semester. But I did, as tough and time-consuming as it was. It was good enough to earn me a coveted auditing spot in Jim Burnstein's Advanced Screenwriting class this fall, where I learned even more and, more importantly, increased -- not quenched -- my thirst to keep trying my hand at something that simply doesn't come naturally for me. I'm very grateful to both Terry and Jim for giving me the opportunity and being so very generous to me with their time and energy.

My experience in Terry's class gave me the courage to ask the Knight-Wallace foundation to find a writer to coordinate a fiction writing workshop for those in our class who were itching to push ourselves. We landed Valerie Laken, a U of M grad and teacher (now teaching at Carthage College near Minneapolis), who was so lovely and smart and kind to us as we stumbled forward. I remembered why I'd loved writing fiction in high school and college. And I remembered all the fears and insecurities that kept me from pursuing it professionall, that sent me scurrying back to the safety of copywriting and then journalism. It was at Valerie's kind suggestion that I did the toughest and bravest thing I've done all year -- applied to the MFA program at the University of Michigan for one of their Creative Writing slots. I had to push myself hard to come up with three short stories with which to apply and I sweated over things like my academic statement of intent and my personal biography. But the amazing part is that I actually got the application completed! And turned in! ON TIME!

I don't have a lot of regrets about 2006. I've spent the past couple of days scurrying around cleaning the house. It's a Scottish tradition to have your home in tip-top shape for the New Year. I think it has something to do with a messy house foreboding a messy year. Something silly like that. But I still like to do it. And, believe me, if you'd seen the cat hair clouds under the beds in our house, you'd know that I didn't spend nearly enough time cleaning in 2006. And I don't regret a minute of it. I was thinking about this today - I'm a lousy housekeeper. I have good intentions but little follow-through and, when it comes down to it, the truth is I just don't care. I don't care that much how my house looks, and the kind of people I value are not the sort who would judge me on it anyway. I'm sure there were countless times when I passed up a sink full of dishes so I could knit a little, read a little, get a little writing done. And I'm glad.

Although I haven't woken a single day in Ann Arbor and regretted my decision to move here, I do miss terribly the amazing friends I have in St. Louis. People I've known for nearly half my life now, people who are as comfortable to me as...well, insert your own cliche here. I miss being known the way I am in St. Louis, having people who have been along for the ride for years now and know the score. But I'm also enjoying -- far more than I thought I would -- the experience of being discovered again, having people get to know me for the first time and forming new friendships. I'm not a patient person, but I have enough experience and faith and patience to believe I'll have good friends here too before too long. And I can't even begin to express the gratitude, the comfort in knowing that I have my St. Louis pals behind me all the way.

So I say thanks to everyone out there and pass on my wishes for a happy new year. I still can't turn my head to the right and my cats are more interested in warming each other than keeping my toes cosy. My coffee's grown cold while I write this and the fire's backed up a bit so the living room's a bit smokey. In other words, like I said, it's a perfect New Year's Eve.

Early morning ramblings

Alistair woke us up at just before six this morning puking on the bedspread. (It's worth clarifying here that Allie is our cat, not some friend or neighbor with appalling manners and a key to our home.) Playing embarrassingly to type, he apparently got curious as to how much food he could fit in his belly. The answer? A startling amount, judging by the aftermath. No matter how much I tossed and turned, I couldn't get back to sleep, which is not a good thing for me. It doesn't mean I'm awake in anything more than the strictest physiological sense of the word. That is, my eyes are open, I'm alert enough to notice if someone tried to run me over with their car (probably), but my brain is mush and my limbs feel like they're suspended in jello. There's nothing worse than feeling sleepy and not being able to sleep.

Sleep doesn't come easily for me. There are few things I envy more than the ability to fall asleep quickly and stay that way. I don't know if I've ever had that ability -  probably as a child - but I can't remember a time when sleep wasn't a problem. Fatigue coupled with insomnia is one of the cruel hallmarks of fibromyalgia. It's very chicken and the egg -- do I have trouble sleeping because of the pain in my neck or is the pain in my neck worse because I have trouble sleeping?

I require a whole bag of tricks to fall asleep at night - a prescription sleep aid, an ice pack for my neck, ear plugs to drown out the sounds that will jolt me awake. And even then, it'll take me a good hour to actually fall asleep. I see people who can close their eyes and drop off into La La Land and I'm absolutely baffled as to how they do it. I know people who can nap for twenty minutes and wake refreshed.

When I close my eyes, every thought in my head comes rushing forward. As I toss and turn to try to get more comfortable, I think about everything - from mistakes I made at my old job to what I'm going to do the next day. My mind stampedes, to borrow a phrase from writer Amy Hempel.

What do normal people do when they go to sleep? What happens when they close their eyes? How on earth do you make yourself achieve that state of relaxation? When I try to do that, I'm just really aware of the act of trying to relax and fall asleep. It's like I can't fool myself.

Sleep, it baffles me.

Just in time...

A quick Christmas post to report that with just 12 minutes left to the day, the sky has opened up and delivered a dusting of fat, chunky snowflakes. Like icy cottonballs, they're floating down and despite the wet ground, courtesy of the rain we've had all day here in Indianapolis, it's starting to stick a bit. I just hope the dropping temperatures complicate our return trip home tomorrow. Chris and I have had a happy few days here with family. I hope all of you have had a safe, healthy and happy holiday!

Tell me what I want, what I really, really want

I love the idea that computers can tell me what to like. It seems logical that based on my existing preferences, a computer program should be able to suggest similar items. It's a major hook in online, shopping, of which I do more than my fair share. It doesn't always work in practice, though. Netflix, for example, promises to recommend movies based on the ratings I've given to movies in the past. And a good 60% of the time, their suggestions are ridiculous. For example, if you rent the last season of Arrested Development, and give it a hearty four stars, the next time you sign on, they'll suggest you add Growing Pains, the DVD to your list. Why? Because they were both on TV! And I LIKE shows that were on television. This is precisely the sort of mathematical and logics genius that kept me out of calculus.

Where it starts to get ridiculous, however, is that, apparently, if you rent a movie that has a gay character in it, then suddenly your recommendations fill up with movies about gay people. Because if you like gay people, you must be interested in watching movies about them. Exclusively. Thus, one of my most recent recommendations was an indie flick called Mysterious Skin, which floated - as Netflix picks are wont to do - to the top of my list and landed in my mailbox last week. Because, apparently, I like unflinchingly brutal and graphic films about pedophelia, teenage gay prostitution and rape. I can see that where they'd get that. My last two rentals, after all, were The Devil Wears Prada and Nacho Libre.

Jesus.

Amazon is always trying to recommend stuff to me too, along those lines. Sometimes I like the recommendations they offer up. I like the idea of knowing what people who like the same authors I do are reading. But sometimes I swear they're like, "That last book had the word 'the' in it, therefore you will love THIS book!" And it's something about elves and computer programming, you know?

Sometimes I feel like these computers don't even know me.

That said, I am having terrific fun with Pandora. The beautiful Kim Porteous introduced me to this website last year. It's like programming your own online radio station. You plug in the names of artists that you like and they offer you up others they deem musically similar. Sometimes it's alarming -- and mildly insulting -- to see what they think you'd like, but you can give each suggestion a thumb's up or thumb's down and help refine their suggestions. I've found some great new music that way and been delighted too when they served up something I love from two decades ago.

Best of all, you can share your radio station with your friends! So while you're at your computer, you can listen to Radio Julia and it's like we're together ALL the time. (Unfortunately, you can't vote on my station, so if they -- or me -- throw in something you don't like, you might be stuck with it.) And then you can start your own radio station and program it to play only songs that are musically similar to Ace of Base's I Saw the Sign. Or, you know, whatever.

 

 

I'm the luckiest woman alive

Right now, my husband is in the kitchen, tossing pots and pans around, preparing a lovely and healthy dinner for us. How great is that? It's so nice when one of us cooks at home because, well, it's just good to know our kitchen works. As I mentioned, last night was the last of my 826michigan workshops for this session. Those crazy kids nearly brought me to tears, presenting me with a lovely little gift and a thank you card. Whose teenagers ARE these? Really thoughtful. I'm surprised at how much I'll miss them over the break but we'll be picking up the session again in mid-January and I'm hoping all of them will be able to attend again. They're just so dedicated and willing to keep working on their pieces. You'd think I could learn something from it.

Judging by all the decorations -- including the twinkly fairy lights hugging all the downtown trees -- Christmas is right around the bend. It's been years since I've put up a tree, although I do drape the poor ficus with a string of white lights and watch the delicate branches bend under the weight of a few little ornaments. It's a pretty sad effort and a far cry from the all-get-out themed Christmas trees I put up the first couple of years Chris and I lived together.

Driving on the highway today, I noticed that someone had decorated a fir tree at the edge of their property. Not a cut one, but just a random tree, one among many, facing the road, glittering with red and silver christmas balls and some tinsel. It was a really lovely sight. Made me think we should all just start decorating trees outside instead of inside. No cutting down trees. No messing with pine needles. And, really, can't your kids just put on a coat and suck it up on Christmas morning to run outside, dust the snow off their presents and haul their booty back indoors?

Floundering

Man. Only a few days left before I face my self-imposed guideline for my MFA application writing samples. (And only a few more past that, really, for the actual Jan 1 deadline.) I'm flexing muscles I haven't used in a while and it's...not...easy.

My advanced screenwriting class finished this week and I wish I could say I turned in a fabulous rewrite. But I didn't. I admit that I had to choose some priorities there and the screenplay fell by the wayside. I'm still humbled and stymied by the process and need more guidance than I care to admit, but I think I'll return to it at some point because I did enjoy having done it. I did enjoy the feeling of breaking through and getting something decent down on paper, no matter how much mental torture and frustration preceded it.

I'm heading out shortly to the last session of the "You've Got to Work It!" workshop I've been facilitating at 826michigan. I wound up with four kids between the ages of 13 and 15 and they've been awesome. They're so eager to learn, so in love with writing and so respectful towards one another in the workshop environment. I've learned a great deal from them, too -- and I'm thrilled to find out that all of them want to continue the workshop after the break. I love, love, love teaching it, so it gives me something to look forward too also.

Not much else going on. What with Chris and I battling a stupid cold for weeks, it seems we haven't been out and about doing much noteworthy lately. I've been slowly getting my rear in gear for the holidays ahead, which includes shopping and card writing and knitting, etc.

I don't often write about my knitting here. I don't know why, exactly, other than the fact that a) would bore the vast majority of my readers, b) I'm hesitant to let the entire world know just how obsessed I am with it and c) I'm too lazy to take photos of projects, which is half the fun. That said, I recently picked up a couple balls of Louisa Harding Kimono yarn, on a whim. I was wooed by the sample project at the yarn store, a pair of fingerless mittens knit up in the gorgeous variagated autumn tones, made with the 80% angora yarn. It was like sticking your hand inside a bunny!

So I shelled out the $11 per ball (I know! I know! I NEVER buy yarn at full price!) and whipped myself up a pair of custom fit fingerless gloves. It took me just under one ball and the result is delicious. I wear them all the time, even around the house (I can type with them on!) and have decided I much prefer angora to my own skin. Make of that what you will.

Catching up, finally

How does this happen? A week goes by and I swear every day I'll find time to write a quick blog posting and I don't...and then it seems impossible to play catch-up on everything. I've been operating from within the cruel fog of a nasty cold for literally weeks now. It seems to ebb and flow, aggravated by travel and interrupted routine, poor eating and sleeping habits and every time I get one day when I feel good, it's followed by two when I'm hacking and sneezing and battling a bitch of a headache that just won't go away. It's the most wonderful time of the year, eh? We were in St. Louis last weekend for a whirlwind 48-hour visit, mostly revolving around Free Candy last Sunday night. We arrived the day after an ice storm had hit the city, closing down businesses and the airport and cutting off power to hundreds of thousands in the area. We had no trouble getting into town on Saturday morning. It was a beautiful day, far colder than it had been in Ann Arbor, but the sky was that kind of clear bright blue you only get in winter and the sun highlighted all the tree limbs coated in ice, like crystal sculptures along the road side.

Beauty aside, there were some real problems in the area. Restaurants were closed because of lack of power and, as of today, there are still people with no electricity. My poor friend Margaret, who lives in the northern St. Louis neighborhood of Pasadena Hills, went five days without any. She bravely camped out for the first few nights in front of her fireplace, waking every few hours to make sure the flames kept going. Her dog Ellie kept her company and she held vigil around the fish tank, which she'd wrapped with a comforter, hoping the avoid a sudden drop in temperature that could cause disaster. In the end, she wound up decamping to a friend's house and lost only one fish in the ordeal.

Chris and I were staying at the Hilton Ballpark downtown, which offers views of the brand new Busch Stadium. (Pricelined cheapo at about 50 clams per night, with newly redone rooms, this is a swank deal.) When we arrive, the lobby was packed with men in camouflage hats and work coats and we thought we'd stumbled upon some kind of hunting convention. Turns out these were angels in disguise, workers from power companies in other areas, shipped in to work day and night to restore power to the city because, you know, Ameren UE sucks. (For some strange reason, apparently power workers like camouflage....)

We wound up on the elevator with one of the workers, engaging in a little chat as fellow guests do. I said something about restoring power to St. Louis looking like a tough job. The guy shrugged and said, "It's nothing compared to Katrina." There you have it, folks. Perspective everywhere. I'm in my cushy hotel room with power, some friends are struggling through days without it, and yet others are still trying to find homes for themselves months and years after other disasters. Talk about a gratitude reminder.

Free Candy went well, despite the fact that I failed to secure one of our guests, another bailed the morning of the show and yet another had a last-minute emergency and didn't make it. You know, it takes a lot of time, effort and expense to haul my cookies to St. Louis for Free Candy and I always get a bit grumbly beforehand and wonder why I'm doing it -- and then we have a great show, and a blast and I get to look out on this sea of friends and touch base (however briefly) with people who matter to me and I remember why. Lucky me.

If you didn't make it to the show, you missed what may have been the world's first instance of "tubaboxing." Our theme song was performed by former guest Matt Brinkman on tuba and Brian "DJ Play" Marston on beatbox. And, in another all-time first, we allowed someone to tape part of a Free Candy, albeit with a little digital cam. The result has wound up on You Tube, of all places and while perhaps not musically sound, it is obviously extremely culturally significant.

Our show sponsor was the fabulous small local company Big Small Town Designs. They make very cool, often very funny greeting cards featuring local photography. I snagged some Xmas cards for mailing out this year alongside the PC ones I got at Oxfam in Britain last month. Check out their website if you're in the market!

 

 

I might have the greatest life ever

It's raining outside and as the rain falls it's taking the temperature with it. Gone are the low sixties we've marveled at the last few days which is, frankly, fine by me. It's almost December after all -- how much global warming can one be expected to take and still be able to sleep at night? Instead, I just gave myself an hour to sit by a roaring fire, knitting away at a hat for charity while listening to a streaming broadcast of last week's This American Life.

There's plenty to do...and I'll get to it all eventually. But right now? Pretty great.